I am a puddle of tears today. I am not normally like this. I am usually the rock solid one who doesn’t cry very often. I have thrived in viewing the election through intuitive, archetypal and astrological lenses. I love the symbolism of apples, the astrology of Eris, the contest between Poseidon and Athena that resulted in the naming of the city of Athens, and comparing Medusa to myself and all of the “nasty women” I know.
However, since watching the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I have had some unexpected feelings bubble up. I feel as if my own glass ceiling is about to shatter and I am not sure my husband and sons will recognize me afterward. As Hillary Clinton sits on the verge of being elected President of the United States, I can say that it is truly different to have a mirror of yourself as the leader of the free world.
I thought it was great when Barack Obama was elected President. I voted for him, but I honestly didn’t find it a stretch of my beliefs, thoughts, or imagination that a black man could be president. When I moved to New Orleans, I worked in home health and developed a new appreciation for how African-Americans in the U.S. appreciated him. Every black person’s home I went into had a shrine honoring President Obama. They had, at a minimum, a table or a wall with a commemorative plate and/or a framed photo of Obama, sometimes with wife and kids. It was very striking. I barely have any photos of my own offspring up in my house.
Hillary Clinton’s story has made me wish I had a daughter with whom I could share this time in history. I almost didn’t have children because I might have a daughter. I hated being a child so much, I didn’t want to make anyone else go through that, especially a girl.
Whether by my own creation or my environment, grew up with only external validation. I had no internal confidence and felt I always had to hide who I was. I did not fully claim my power until after I turned 40. As a child, I was told that I couldn’t be an engineer because “girls don’t do that” and that my brother didn’t have to do dishes at home because he wouldn’t have to do them as an adult. I kept it a secret that I wanted to be a National Geographic photographer. I was afraid to ask my parents for French classes, which took place in our neighborhood. I changed my dreams for the life I chose to create with my amazing husband, who spent 20 years in the Navy.
In the process of all of that many miracles happened. My self-worth has gone from being dependent on my grades, my husband, my kids, my house, my appearance, and my accomplishments, to completely independent and unconditional. It’s unleashing came with my mid-life spiritual awakening, which was both fantastic and painful, but only painful because I resisted it. For the first time, I feel like the world really is my oyster, like I am a soaring golden falcon, a lion on top of a mountain. I am surfing this election wave with everyone else, and having a fantastic time doing so.
I have given a big “f— off” to a lot of external expectations in my life. I don’t fix traditional holiday dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas, due to the enormous emotional weight that comes with those holidays for me. We prepare food from a different culture or ethnicity every time. One of these days I am going to have a pizza flown in from Chicago. I stopped going to church because of the energy-draining toxicity that it was for me, and now my spiritual practice is deeper and more rich than ever. Last month, I joyfully celebrated a holiday for the first time – Samhain.
I embrace the Goddess, Witch, and Nasty Woman that I am. I have a golden apple decorating my office. I plan to change up our holiday rituals to celebrate more Pagan holidays by decorating a tree for the winter solstice and filling it with apples, olives, and snakes. I will probably mix in some of our usual ornaments as well.
I still want to be fluent in French and live outside of the U.S. again. I still want to be a wildlife photographer in Africa. I don’t have any desire to be an engineer, though I would love a PhD in quantum biology or quantum physics. I still have half a lifetime ahead of me. It’s plenty of time. Thanks to having a mirror in the White House, I feel like everything is possible.