I Give Up


I have done almost nothing work-wise for the last few weeks. I have written, but not published. Since the election, I have experienced a big shift – in my intuitive skills (for the sharper), in my emotions (more intense) and in my ability to let go of existing patterns and limiting beliefs (faster). I can’t say I particularly love this shift. I am struggling to see the point of what I am doing (no one wants to hear the truth – you are responsible for your own vibration and everything you bring into your reality), and I would rather just win the lottery and throw in the towel. I want to save myself and not worry about everyone else, including my husband and kids. I want to leave the U.S. (haven’t felt like I belonged here, ever), and take some retirement savings with me. I feel it is my responsibility (and urgently so) to give my kids residency in another country. I don’t believe any part of life is ever wasted, but I am fighting to hold that belief with respect to the 20 years I spent supporting my husband’s Navy career. To me, my refusal to have regrets is contrasted by my reflexive reaction that the results of the recent U.S. presidential election were a firm statement that I unquestionably wasted my time, that I should have never married my husband, never had children, never stayed in the U.S.

My experience and wisdom let me know this is all about my own repressed emotions, and not about any particular external situation. I have let go of so much, but there is always more. None of us feel we get it right all the time. My greater issue here is that I have a lot of pride wrapped up in being loyal to everyone except myself. We are culturally brainwashed to value loyalty to others, and to see loyalty to yourself as selfishness. There is always more than one way to see a situation. I love this TED Talk that relates math and empathy. I also successfully teach people synesthsia – how to see with their hands, feel with their ears, etc. It’s part of how intuition works, and we all have the ability to experience the same thing from multiple perspectives.

Choosing to see with my mind and not my eyes gives me a different perspective. I see my great abundance of love and fun. My kids are my greatest teachers. I hated being a child so much, it is nice to see them enjoy it and learn from them how to find joy. I am also mindful that I don’t want them to have my same limiting beliefs.

Seeing with my soul, I see the residents of the U.S. (and much of the world) as lost children full of fear and anger. They need help letting it go, and I have skills to do that. I have a big calling to open centers around the world, though I don’t feel any of them are destined to be in the U.S.

Seeing with my heart, I feel not only the trauma of marginalized groups but the trauma of white men (stay tuned for my book Assholes Have Trauma, too – it’s another truth no one wants to hear).

Seeing with my ears, I hear our shared goals and challenges. We all want to have comfort, resources and feel safe. We are all angry and scared, not only for ourselves but from the anger and fear of generations past and for future generations.

Seeing with my hands, I feel the collective vibration, and I want to wrap it up in my own to elevate everyone. I want to be wrapped up in someone’s higher vibration as well. I feel this vibrational power is the key to everything, and it’s not an easy truth to spread because of all the other information we have that limit one’s ability to believe in vibration as a common denominator. I can talk about it in terms of vagus nerve compression, and in terms of the law of attraction, of magic, of manifestation, of love, of letting go, and of quantum physics. Are you yawning yet?

Stay tuned – I speak of these things in part to bring them into reality, and in part to let them go. I am so clear on some things, it should scare me, but it doesn’t. I am so fuzzy on others that I could easily be fearful, but I am not.  I am not sure what my life and my business will look like in the short term, but I know I am called to give up individual client care. The truth is you can fix yourself. If you’re interested, I can show you how.

I don’t know if this will work for multiple people, but if you haven’t received an Audible book from someone, you can click on this link and get Letting Go by MD. PHD., David R. Hawkins, narrated by Peter Lownds, PhD on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B00ZJFQN9I&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006. If it doesn’t work, and you want me to send you a link, just email me.