I have been laying low for awhile. I haven’t been seeing clients. I have done some writing, some reading, and some business planning. I have also done more internal work on myself – more reflection, more counseling with mentors, more tapping into my intuition.
I didn’t go to the women’s march on Saturday. I could have made it work, but my intuition gave me a big, loud DON”T GO. I had visions a few weeks ago of the marches being terrorist targets, and put out invocations and energy to transform that. I wasn’t as scared by Saturday but I still wasn’t supposed to go. I also don’t do well in crowds. I avoid festivals, live music, etc. This cause was important enough that I could have dealt with that. I finally had a longer talk with my higher self about the issue, and I better understand why I intuitively felt that I was not supposed to go to the march. My answer: The paradigm in which it was done is too limited. I was more powerful at home working the way I do with energy.
I would love to crawl under a rock slightly before Thanksgiving and come out on New Year’s Eve. I really don’t like the holiday fuss and I always dread choosing gifts. After years of angst, I have finally re-written my story to allow me to buy gifts clearly and joyfully, keeping the following things in mind:
I have done almost nothing work-wise for the last few weeks. I have written, but not published. Since the election, I have experienced a big shift – in my intuitive skills (for the sharper), in my emotions (more intense) and in my ability to let go of existing patterns and limiting beliefs (faster). I can’t say I particularly love this shift. I am struggling to see the point of what I am doing (no one wants to hear the truth – you are responsible for your own vibration and everything you bring into your reality), and I would rather just win the lottery and throw in the towel.
My 13-year old son has been an asshole the last couple of days. I know he’s learning to regulate his testosterone. He’s usually a very pleasant kid, so I get easily frustrated by these days. He is writing short essays for application to high school (something that only happens in public schools in New Orleans) and doesn’t want to play the “impress the admissions board” game. He wants to go to a different high school and is addicted to being right about this other school being best for him, and the one that requires an essay being categorically unfit. I called him intentionally myopic and choosing to ignore other information that is readily available to him. He threw that insult back at me, along with our front gate.
There are only a few places in the world that give me a feeling of “being home.” Over twenty years as a Navy spouse, our home was just wherever we were. The place where I grew up never gave me that feeling. My mom never even referred to it as home. For her, the place she called home was where she grew up, on the opposite coast from where I did. I used to get them from Charlottesville, Virginia, and Annapolis, Maryland, where my husband and I attended college but didn’t feel it the last time I visited those places. Pretty much all of France gives me that feeling, but it was most striking in Santorini, Greece.
I’m so high on life right now I’m not sure how this blog post is going to flow. Hopefully it makes sense. Why am I so elated? I have been making space for new things in my life – both professionally and personally. How am I doing that?
I’ve been cleaning house in many ways. There’s more to do (isn’t there always?) From growing up with a mother that finds it painful to throw stuff away and 20 years of moving with my husband, who used to be in the Navy, I’ve grown to enjoy getting rid of stuff. It gives me a high that I love. Since my husband retired, we’ve been living in the same house for seven years,
I felt good when I woke up this morning, and then I read an article about parents that micromanage their kids’ social lives, and it brought up the feeling in me of how much I hated being a child. I almost didn’t have kids of my own because I did not understand how you could make someone else go through that. I spent the morning looking for a better mood. Here is how I found it.
I was at a friend’s birthday party the other day and he told me he enjoyed my Instagram posts although he didn’t want to be calm. He wasn’t sure it was good for him. Fair statement. The density of clients with anxiety that I treat keeps me focused on tools that calm them, and my friend doesn’t have anxiety issues. I told him my posts were not to make him calm, but give him a glimpse of what lies beyond calm!
So what states of being are beyond calm? I came up with a few, all of which I have experienced.